Thank you Mark, I used the metre (whether consciously or not I do not know) from one of my first favourite poems, Longfellow's A Psalm For Life, and I've always found it, perhaps by association with that poem, to be very powerful for these kind of impactful themes.
Thanks Tullius, I always appreciate feedback 🙏 this poem is more or less autobiographical with very little embellishment of the actual moment...it left such an impression I knew it would become poetry one day, I was just waiting for the right words to coalesce.
Ah, see, my mind went to “The wounded surgeon plies the steel / that questions the distempered part.” (Also curious if the beneath water / above the lake is taken from the Phaedo, but I could be reaching.) Either way, it’s a lovely piece.
I'm afraid that line was not an intentional reference to Eliot, I was actually quoting myself there, I had a line from an old (unpublished) poem that refers to "the surgeon's knife" and it seemed to describe a painful but healing experience perfectly. The only intentional reference was to Wordsworth in the first stanza, anything else is just a happy little accident. ☺️
And here I was hoping you’d finally been wholly converted to a deep estimation of Eliot. But the image is a good one for healing pain. I caught the Wordsworth reference! But your meaning goes a little deeper than his poem, I think.
Thank you James, usually I'll put the turn or crescendo of a piece at the end, but this story needed it in the middle and I knew I needed a few stanzas after the encounter to recede while still retaining something of an afterglow. I was also experimenting with the use of repetition in this piece, and I found it can be used to great effect. I often find myself hunting for a new word when a pre-used one will do perfectly well. Looking forward to our next discussion!
“Though I couldn't shake the feeling,
And I cannot shake it still,
That this world is but a shadow,
But a shade of all that will”
My favorite stanza! Great stuff!
Thanks Zane, that stanza was the pivot of the poem I had in my mind before I wrote it.
“Lost and lonely as a cloud” reminds me of Wordsworth. Love the metric and aesthetic this piece lives in. So good.
Thanks Kaleb, I'm glad you picked up that reference!
Very nice, Thomas. Definitely hearing the Longfellow come out but for me, I thought of Hiawatha in terms of meter.
I like to balance of attention, too, in terms of where the encounter sits in the sequence of events.
Vivid and lovely.
Thank you Clara!
Loved the flow of this one and the imagery was simply beautiful. One of your best!
Thanks Gus, this was the one I started over the weekend. 😉
Epic solitude.
I like the juxtaposition of driving with Wordsworth's lonely cloud.
"With a sorrow in my wake" has a lovely music to it.
Thank you Melanie! I'm a big fan of borrowing fragments from other poets and giving their words a new life and fresh perspective.
Stunningly beautiful. I love how you used the meter to make that moment feel inevitable and inexorable, Thomas.
Thank you Mark, I used the metre (whether consciously or not I do not know) from one of my first favourite poems, Longfellow's A Psalm For Life, and I've always found it, perhaps by association with that poem, to be very powerful for these kind of impactful themes.
Did you have in mind Wordworth's "Spots of Time":
"That with distinct pre-eminence retain
A renovating virtue, whence...our minds
Are nourished and invisibly repaired"--?
Strongly reminded me of that passage-- especially your last two lines.
Not directly, but the experience from which I drew this poem was definitely one of the "spots" he spoke of.
Love how the meter carries us along the road. Powerful imagery, great use of form.
Thanks Tullius, I always appreciate feedback 🙏 this poem is more or less autobiographical with very little embellishment of the actual moment...it left such an impression I knew it would become poetry one day, I was just waiting for the right words to coalesce.
“Cut me like the surgeon's knife” ….Is this an Eliot reference
I was thinking Lewis. The Divine Surgeon?
Ah, see, my mind went to “The wounded surgeon plies the steel / that questions the distempered part.” (Also curious if the beneath water / above the lake is taken from the Phaedo, but I could be reaching.) Either way, it’s a lovely piece.
I'm afraid that line was not an intentional reference to Eliot, I was actually quoting myself there, I had a line from an old (unpublished) poem that refers to "the surgeon's knife" and it seemed to describe a painful but healing experience perfectly. The only intentional reference was to Wordsworth in the first stanza, anything else is just a happy little accident. ☺️
And here I was hoping you’d finally been wholly converted to a deep estimation of Eliot. But the image is a good one for healing pain. I caught the Wordsworth reference! But your meaning goes a little deeper than his poem, I think.
I did have a small reference to Eliot in my last poem, so we're making progress. 😅
Well I totally missed that one 😂Which line?
Ah. The meter matches too. Interesting.
Definitely plenty of broadly Platonic elements. Perhaps Thomas will weigh in.
Thank you James, usually I'll put the turn or crescendo of a piece at the end, but this story needed it in the middle and I knew I needed a few stanzas after the encounter to recede while still retaining something of an afterglow. I was also experimenting with the use of repetition in this piece, and I found it can be used to great effect. I often find myself hunting for a new word when a pre-used one will do perfectly well. Looking forward to our next discussion!