Thanks J, I've been stretching myself lately in terms of style and form, and getting back to a classic Shakespearean sonnet felt like slipping into an old pair of slippers.
I'm sure that now is the time I'll look back on as the time where I was blissfully ignorant, and wish for it as much as I wish for the time I look back on now. This was something of what I was thinking when I wrote this.
The killer final couplet is always my goal when writing a sonnet, and sometimes they come to me first and I work my way down to it. In this case, I wrote it last, which is sometimes harder when you only have two lines to bring this thing home. Thanks for reading Tim. 🙏
The theme reminds me of "I Better Be Quiet Now" by 90s singer-songwriter Eliot Smith: "If I didn't know the difference, / Living alone would probably be okay. / It wouldn't be lonely. / I've got a long way to go; I'm getting further away."
Yes, and tonally the two works couldn't be farther apart. The image I think of is taking a rubbing of some ancient cuneiform tablet. If you go over it once, you get a slight impression, but if you go over it again and again, the entire message comes through clearly.
So a nonexistent spark that is yet to exist. 🤔 “Bore not yet” anticipates a thing (i.e. the spark) and that thing, when it arrives, will be in a state of nonexistence.
You would be correct if it said “bore not yet” but the line runes “When hearts bore not THE yet unlighted spark” so one can assume the spark is not yet lit, and once the heart bears it, it will be. 🙏 The first two stanzas are trying to affirm a current state by describing its previous lack of that state, so I'm open to hearing if that technique worked or not.
I believe it works, especially since, in the second stanza, you subtly introduce the idea that this state of being "in its sway" is not entirely a good thing ("bitter mark" / "callous power"). Also I like how the parallelism gets more and more relaxed as the poem goes on. I had to print this one out and draw all over it with colored pens to understand the structure, but doing so was worth it.
Thanks William, I'm glad you recognised that, sometimes I'll work up to the final couplet like a crescendo, but sometimes it's just as effective to pull back and sort of diminish the language at the couplet to a tone of simplicity in contrast to the body of the poem. That anyone would take the time to print my poetry out and analyse it like that means a lot to me. 🙏
Thanks, Thomas! Your “the spark is not yet lit, and once the heart bears it, it will be” seems to have us considering a spark that doesn’t exist (but may at a future time) and also at some future time hearts will contain that spark.
Deft and musical, with a simple but effective conclusion.
Thanks J, I've been stretching myself lately in terms of style and form, and getting back to a classic Shakespearean sonnet felt like slipping into an old pair of slippers.
Stuck the landing like an Olympic gymnast.
I'm glad to hear you say so! 😊
Ah, sweet ignorance.
I'm sure that now is the time I'll look back on as the time where I was blissfully ignorant, and wish for it as much as I wish for the time I look back on now. This was something of what I was thinking when I wrote this.
Gotta love that couplet 👏
The killer final couplet is always my goal when writing a sonnet, and sometimes they come to me first and I work my way down to it. In this case, I wrote it last, which is sometimes harder when you only have two lines to bring this thing home. Thanks for reading Tim. 🙏
The theme reminds me of "I Better Be Quiet Now" by 90s singer-songwriter Eliot Smith: "If I didn't know the difference, / Living alone would probably be okay. / It wouldn't be lonely. / I've got a long way to go; I'm getting further away."
That's almost exactly the feeling! It's always comforting to know that if you feel something it's been felt before and someone has found words for it.
Yes, and tonally the two works couldn't be farther apart. The image I think of is taking a rubbing of some ancient cuneiform tablet. If you go over it once, you get a slight impression, but if you go over it again and again, the entire message comes through clearly.
Ah, lovely. Great from the very first line.
Grazie mille amico mio! 🙏
“When hearts bore not the yet unlighted spark
That hadn’t grown to wield its callous power.”
So a nonexistent spark that is yet to exist. 🤔 “Bore not yet” anticipates a thing (i.e. the spark) and that thing, when it arrives, will be in a state of nonexistence.
You would be correct if it said “bore not yet” but the line runes “When hearts bore not THE yet unlighted spark” so one can assume the spark is not yet lit, and once the heart bears it, it will be. 🙏 The first two stanzas are trying to affirm a current state by describing its previous lack of that state, so I'm open to hearing if that technique worked or not.
I believe it works, especially since, in the second stanza, you subtly introduce the idea that this state of being "in its sway" is not entirely a good thing ("bitter mark" / "callous power"). Also I like how the parallelism gets more and more relaxed as the poem goes on. I had to print this one out and draw all over it with colored pens to understand the structure, but doing so was worth it.
Thanks William, I'm glad you recognised that, sometimes I'll work up to the final couplet like a crescendo, but sometimes it's just as effective to pull back and sort of diminish the language at the couplet to a tone of simplicity in contrast to the body of the poem. That anyone would take the time to print my poetry out and analyse it like that means a lot to me. 🙏
Thanks, Thomas! Your “the spark is not yet lit, and once the heart bears it, it will be” seems to have us considering a spark that doesn’t exist (but may at a future time) and also at some future time hearts will contain that spark.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Beautiful...
Thanks Mum, glad you liked it ♥️