"He'd promised dad he wouldn't run and mum he wouldn't die." All of the poem is good, but that's the single most memorable line of poetry I've read in a long, long time. WW1 (or at least the Western Front) has so many poems about it already that it's difficult to get anything new out of, but you've managed here. Brilliant work!
Thank you James! That line is the heart of the poem in a certain sense, I had a “deleted scene” that didn't make the final version where he remembered saying goodbye to his parents, but I thought it best to leave it to the readers imagination to picture the parting promises that would become the motivation, particularly for the older brother's sacrifice.
'When down The Reaper came and silently began to wrench
The souls from poor young lads who clambered from the roiling trench.'
If I could would post the Martin Scorsese meme: Poetry.
I became interested in and started writing poetry a few months ago after beginning to study Medieval Poets like Chaucer, Taliesin, Aneiren as well as some more modern ones like Tolkien and Heaney. I went to an in-person poetry open mic and after sitting through 2 hours of free verse about Palestine, and Trump, and most of all themselves I wondered if anyone still wrote really good poetry. But I've certainly found one here. If there's anyone else who at least tries to write like Mr. Mckendry here please do drop a comment so I can read you too.
I'm glad you're finding a more traditional niche here! Thomas is one of my favorite poets on this platform. I also write rhyming and metric poetry. Other Substack poets I enjoy reading and learning from include Sally Thomas, Brit McReynolds, Zane Paxton, Kate Bluett, Mark Rico, Rob Charboneau, and J Tullius.
Thanks Joshua! There's a great community of poets here who not only write poetry but are very generous with sharing tips on craft, essays on poetics and the best of the poetic tradition. If you go to my homepage and see all the stacks I subscribe to you'll find a good starter list of (imo) some of the best here.
Great choices in this one, Tom. The line length really lends well to couplets, and your writing kept the form fresh and not sing-songy.
Great use of language, too. Many excellent examples of clear writing making a stronger impact than anything over-flowery. Definitely worth reading several times over.
Thanks James, I always trust your eye for craft. :) yes, I find with narrative poetry you have to lay off the metaphor sauce a little for the sake of the clarity of the image, but just enough so it still has poetic value enough to elevate it above mere verse.
Thank you Patrick, I'm always humbled when a poem has a profound effect, it's the main thing I try to aim for in my poetry; a visceral encounter with the human experience such that it is something akin to that experience itself not just a description.
Had to take a good minute to recover after reading this. Very moving—that final line landed so perfectly and quite caught me off guard, several tears were shed!
The beauty of this poem is that the lines fly by. It's the rare long narrative poem that almost feels fleeting. Wonderful effect that only reinforces its theme.
Excellent poem Tom. It's got a similar style to "The Philosopher." Like a folktale. Didn't you say someone recently turned you on to Robert Service? It's got some of that in it, I think.
Meticulously wrought, as usual, and I'm a big fan of the historical narrative genre of poetry. It's really enlightening to try to step into the shoes of someone in an alien world--the past--with experiences we might never fully understand.
I especially like that we're getting a WWI perspective. It seems to get so little attention in modern public consciousness in the US and Europe, overshadowed as it is by its sequel. That's why it's great to have the Internet and get Antipodean perspectives, where this war is still culturally present, serving as a sort of origin story for the modern nations.
And the heptameter is a nice touch. So many poems just keep getting shorter and shorter!
All of my war poetry has always been inspired by the Great War, there's so much romance to it, particularly with the old world coming to grips with the state of modern warfare and struggling to comprehend man's new capacity for destruction. Wilfred Owen is also my favourite war poet and my gold standard for writing anything in the genre. Thanks for reading!
"He'd promised dad he wouldn't run and mum he wouldn't die." All of the poem is good, but that's the single most memorable line of poetry I've read in a long, long time. WW1 (or at least the Western Front) has so many poems about it already that it's difficult to get anything new out of, but you've managed here. Brilliant work!
Thank you James! That line is the heart of the poem in a certain sense, I had a “deleted scene” that didn't make the final version where he remembered saying goodbye to his parents, but I thought it best to leave it to the readers imagination to picture the parting promises that would become the motivation, particularly for the older brother's sacrifice.
That was my favorite also! It immediately stood out to me as a line that can stand the test of time.
If I can achieve even one of those kinds of lines I'll be happy!
Wow, this really blew me away:
'When down The Reaper came and silently began to wrench
The souls from poor young lads who clambered from the roiling trench.'
If I could would post the Martin Scorsese meme: Poetry.
I became interested in and started writing poetry a few months ago after beginning to study Medieval Poets like Chaucer, Taliesin, Aneiren as well as some more modern ones like Tolkien and Heaney. I went to an in-person poetry open mic and after sitting through 2 hours of free verse about Palestine, and Trump, and most of all themselves I wondered if anyone still wrote really good poetry. But I've certainly found one here. If there's anyone else who at least tries to write like Mr. Mckendry here please do drop a comment so I can read you too.
I'm glad you're finding a more traditional niche here! Thomas is one of my favorite poets on this platform. I also write rhyming and metric poetry. Other Substack poets I enjoy reading and learning from include Sally Thomas, Brit McReynolds, Zane Paxton, Kate Bluett, Mark Rico, Rob Charboneau, and J Tullius.
Thanks Joshua! There's a great community of poets here who not only write poetry but are very generous with sharing tips on craft, essays on poetics and the best of the poetic tradition. If you go to my homepage and see all the stacks I subscribe to you'll find a good starter list of (imo) some of the best here.
Great choices in this one, Tom. The line length really lends well to couplets, and your writing kept the form fresh and not sing-songy.
Great use of language, too. Many excellent examples of clear writing making a stronger impact than anything over-flowery. Definitely worth reading several times over.
Thanks James, I always trust your eye for craft. :) yes, I find with narrative poetry you have to lay off the metaphor sauce a little for the sake of the clarity of the image, but just enough so it still has poetic value enough to elevate it above mere verse.
Surpassingly moving.
“He’d promised dad he wouldn’t run and mum he wouldn’t die” absolutely took me by the throat.
Thank you Patrick, I'm always humbled when a poem has a profound effect, it's the main thing I try to aim for in my poetry; a visceral encounter with the human experience such that it is something akin to that experience itself not just a description.
Had to take a good minute to recover after reading this. Very moving—that final line landed so perfectly and quite caught me off guard, several tears were shed!
Thanks Jess, I wasn't sure if the ending was going to be too obvious, but I'm glad it had the desired impact!
The beauty of this poem is that the lines fly by. It's the rare long narrative poem that almost feels fleeting. Wonderful effect that only reinforces its theme.
Thanks Mark that means a lot, the pacing was something I really tried to get right with this one.
Excellent poem Tom. It's got a similar style to "The Philosopher." Like a folktale. Didn't you say someone recently turned you on to Robert Service? It's got some of that in it, I think.
Thanks Robert! I wrote this a few months ago before I read any Robert Service, but it was definitely leaning into that ballad style.
It has the perfect ending, but I could read so much more of this. Excellent!
Like many of my poems, I had the final line in mind well before I reached it! Thanks as always Zane.
Meticulously wrought, as usual, and I'm a big fan of the historical narrative genre of poetry. It's really enlightening to try to step into the shoes of someone in an alien world--the past--with experiences we might never fully understand.
I especially like that we're getting a WWI perspective. It seems to get so little attention in modern public consciousness in the US and Europe, overshadowed as it is by its sequel. That's why it's great to have the Internet and get Antipodean perspectives, where this war is still culturally present, serving as a sort of origin story for the modern nations.
And the heptameter is a nice touch. So many poems just keep getting shorter and shorter!
All of my war poetry has always been inspired by the Great War, there's so much romance to it, particularly with the old world coming to grips with the state of modern warfare and struggling to comprehend man's new capacity for destruction. Wilfred Owen is also my favourite war poet and my gold standard for writing anything in the genre. Thanks for reading!
"Come life or death, I'll take them with my brother by my side!
Head down, eyes up, I'll take the lead," -solid bit of double meaning/foreshadowing there. Really good work here, true and rugged poetry.